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<title>Dear You by Spydir Threds (whyntir)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26676214">Dear You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyntir/pseuds/Spydir%20Threds'>Spydir Threds (whyntir)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, Diary/Journal, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:32:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26676214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyntir/pseuds/Spydir%20Threds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter I never thought I would write.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dear You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dear you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The You I said I had nothing to say to. The You I have resented for so long. The You I have held an anger towards for as long as I can remember. I have something to say to you now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I'm sorry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I never understood You. I never tried. It was easier to just blame You. To say everything would have been better if You had just done things differently. If only it wasn't for You, maybe we could have been happy. But I never once thought about the weight You carried.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don't know how You did it. I am in awe of the strength You possessed. How You carried us this far on your own. I spent three weeks reliving what You went through. And I almost didn't make it. I kept telling myself, just so long as I made it to my next appointment, everything would be okay. The pain would stop, I would survive the haunting empty chill of the pit inside my soul. If i just made it to that day, it would all be okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But You didn't have that. You didn't have that beacon of hope in the distance. You had no end in sight, and it wasn't for want of help. You screamed and cried, You begged and pleaded. You asked for help in every way, and was met with silence. You stopped believing You were worthy of help. That You weren't hurting enough to get help. You were undeserving. So You carried on with that torturous pain. You carried us alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You did it alone for twenty-five years. I could barely manage three weeks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All this time I felt You ruined everything good we had. That if only You had been better, we could have been happy. But I've come to realize You did the best you could. I don't think anyone else could have handled it better. You got us this far, not without scars and tears and bridges burnt to ash, but that's okay. You did the very best You could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the resentment I've held. I'm sorry for the blame. I'm sorry for disowning You and pretending You never existed. I'm sorry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Most of all, I'm sorry to tell You we are broken. It isn't like they say, it doesn't make someone stronger. You got us so far, but there's nothing left but fractured shards. I kept believing we didn't deserve help, and even though I could have gotten it, I didn't. I half heartedly committed to the treatments, still believing in my mind that it was all your fault, and all I had to do was "better".</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I'm sorry I'm so weak. I'm sorry I couldn't hold it together. I tell myself that it was bound to happen. No one could carry the pain like You did without eventually giving way under it. But I'm still so sorry. If I had just done something sooner, maybe we wouldn't be so fragile. We exist on the edge, one wrong step into oblivion. Like a dandelion, a gust of wind can scatter us to pieces.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I'm sorry I ever blamed You. If it wasn't for You, I wouldn't be here now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So thank you.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A letter to my past self</p></blockquote></div></div>
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